After the Sex God
by FallingSoul
Summary: Jas is no longer my best friend. I must kill her. Dave the Laugh is making me giddy now that the Sex God is gone. Surprisingly I'm not sad the Sex God is gone. Sarce bleu! Merde poo! There is something wrong with moi and moi's life.
1. Snogging

Monday February 7th  
  
12:30 PM In my room  
  
Skipped school. Not like Mutti cares. In fact, she went to the doctor's office a well four hours ago and is yet to return.  
  
I must not think about this Dave the Laugh, I am supposed to be wallowing in my tears of sorrow over the Sex God. What is the matter with me? I'm supposed to be sad. But all I can think about is that bloke Dave the Laugh.  
  
1:00 PM Libby's closet  
  
Libby has forced me to play with her, so I simply hid in her closet and told her I was playing with Charlie Horse. I think she found that double cool with knobs because she threw in the carrot twins I gave her for the Crimbo Hols. I think they are beginning to mold. They are rather disgusting.  
I must be a horrible friend. All I can think about is nip libbling with Dave the Laugh, who just happens to be Ellen's ex. What next, fantasizing about growing veggies with Tom? No. That would be too far. Besides, he is the Sex God's brother.  
But, does that really matter? After all I am fantasizing about Ellen's ex! Who happens to also be my ex. Great. Next it's fish parties with Sven. Merde poo!  
  
5:00 PM Jas's room  
  
I think Jas is going mad. Her room is very organized, even more than usual. It's very eerie though, considering the fact that her room resembles a Tom shrine. I must say she really does fancy this Tom, it's quite annoying too.  
Jas is still hanging this whole "I kissed Dave when Ellen and him were going out" over my head. I swear I am going to have to kill her. Besides, Ellen and the bloke broke up! Jas just feels the need to blame it on me, even though I am claiming my innocence.  
  
8:00 PM In my room  
  
That's it. My life is over. The Sex God is gone. For good. But the really interesting thing is that I am not sad. I really rate the Sex God too. But I also fancy nip libbling. Lip nibbling. Why can't I ever get that bloody phrase straight?  
Jas put me in one hellish ordeal. Apparently she told Ellen about the whole kissing fiasco. I must kill her now. Or perhaps the cold shoulder is harsher. Yes. Torture is more fun, and she will suffer more.  
  
10:00 PM Still in my room  
  
Can't fall asleep. I hate Jas. I hate Jas. I hate Jas. I hate Jas. I hate Jas. That could go on for awhile. So as I was at my ex-best mate's house, Jas decided she would call up Ellen.  
  
"Ellen?"  
"What the bloody hell do you want?[sniffle]"  
"Georgia is over."  
"Well tell her I said hello."  
"I must tell you something."  
"[sniffle] I don't think I can handle anything at the moment."  
Ellen really is such a tart. Besides, Dave the Laugh and her broke up awhile back, but Ellen is still mourning.  
  
"It's about Dave the Bloke." Honestly, Jas can be so dim sometimes it surprises me.  
"[sniffle] Dave. [sniffle] the. [choke-sniffle] Laugh! [sob]"  
"Ah yes, Dave the Laugh. Well anyway, I think you weren't the only one who fancied him." I was on the verge to taking the framed picture of Tom that hung above Jas's bed and bashing it over her head. Then I realized I could always unplug the phone. But my conscious told me not too. Bloody conscious.  
"What do you mean?[angry sniffle]"  
"It seems as if someone got to number six on the snogging scale with Dave the Blo-Laugh when you two were an item." I began to feel little devil horns poking out of my head by then. But then I reminded myself we had gotten up to 6 ½ on the snogging scale. Nip Libbling.lip nibbling.  
"[sob] I guess.[sniffle] Dave the Laugh.[sob] fancied her.[choke] more then.[sob-sniffle-choke] me!" "It was Georgia."  
I was on the verge to throwing her out the window. Instead I stormed out of her house before I could hear what Ellen had to say. I hate Jas. I hate Jas. I hate her. I hate "it." 


	2. Answer the bloody door!

Tuesday February 8th  
  
8:15 AM  
  
"It" walks, as if "it" has its knickers up it's bum-oley. I must say that is amuses me. Besides, serves "it" right for telling Ellen. I'm very much dreading seeing her at Stalag 14.  
  
As I walked pass Hawkeye she snickered, "Nicolson, what is that on you head?" Right then I realized I had been wearing the commercial beret that the Ace Gang and I had gotten in Frogs'-legs-a-gogo-land.  
  
"Why it's a beret that I am required to wear here in this hell hole."  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"Why it's a beret that I am required to wear here in this hell hole."  
  
"Stop repeating yourself Nicolson."  
  
"But you asked -- "  
  
"I suggest you scurry off to class before I give you a bad conduct mark."  
  
Scurry? Who uses the word scurry? It sounds like something you would say to describe a bloody mouse! But, even if I did run as the mice, it wouldn't have mattered. Hawkeye went ahead and gave me a bad conduct mark. I won't be surprised if she dies lonely.  
  
9:00 AM Stalag 14 Assembly  
  
What a marvy way to start of the day! Jas walked up and sat next to me as if nothing had happened.  
  
"This seat is saved."  
  
"For whom may I ask?"  
  
"My best friend."  
  
"Aren't you a dear." Right then Rosie walked up to me and I shoved Jas's books to the ground.  
  
"Why if you don't mind, my best friend is here. So please move your childish play along somewhere else."  
  
Then Jas went all huffy and stormed off and sat next to Ellen. Ho hum pig's bum. Revenge is extra sweet with cherries on top. Scrumptious.  
  
11:00 AM Stalag 14 Les Francais  
  
Jas sat next to me. Obviously Mrs. Big Knickers didn't get the picture she was unwanted. She is so dim it's unbelievable. Why am I cursed with such dim-witted friends? Or why was Jas placed upon my hands and had to become my best friend.  
  
Mrs. Big Knickers wrote me a note:  
  
"What happened in assembly, are you having the painter's in?"  
  
I wrote back and you could see that her face lit up, and suddenly it drooped again. I laughed thinking how she read the note in her head. For what I wrote said:  
  
"Please, Mrs. Big Knickers, move your big knickers head for I cannot see Gorgey Henry. Besides, why are you sitting here? It was saved for Rosie, my best friend."  
  
That should show her.  
  
4:00 PM my bedroom  
  
Hilarious. Jas groveled! I have never seen her grovel. She really is desperate. She must not have anyone else but Tom. I wouldn't be surprised if Tom left her. It must be those bloody pomegranates keeping them together. I think I once spotted Tom speaking to his fruits and veggies.  
  
Holy matrimony! Dave the Laugh called. We are meeting tonight at the phone box. I must call Jas! No. not her, we aren't speaking. Erlack! That was a desperate moment. I can get ready on my own anyway. Should apply a natural make-up look. Oh poo, Libby is eating my lippy. She is such a demented child.  
  
5:06 PM bathroom  
  
Let's see, I just put on the last of my lippy. I think five coats of pan stick should make my conk look less enormous. Oh blimey o' riley! I forgot to get a bra! We all know my nipples take on lives of their own. I'm on a search.  
  
5:23 PM libby's closet  
  
Found my nunga-nunga holder. Libby had made a little canopy for Charlie Horse. It's so sweet. Erlack! What am I thinking? That's my bra! You know she could hold more stuffed animals if she used Mutti's bra. Actually, she could fit all of her 'fwends' in that thing. Laugh laugh. I amuse myself.  
  
5:56 PM my bedroom  
  
I'm nervous. What if I look to over done? I don't think I do. But what if I don't look laughble enough for Dave the Laugh? What the bloody hell am I talking about? Not laughable enough for Dave the Laugh? We are just friends! I am loosing it. Big time.  
  
6:53 PM still in my bedroom  
  
Oh no. Dave the Laugh rang the doorbell. I can hear Mutti and Vati giggling from their bedroom as Mutti yells, "Georgia, be a dear and answer the door. For your mum is unable to answer." Then Vati made some rather unusual noises as Mutti laughed. They really are a sad couple.  
  
So I am off to answer the door. Bon chance! 


End file.
